I thought I would start writing down my feelings and that maybe someone might benefit from knowing that there is someone else out there experiencing the same things. 

I have been married for 15 years and have 3 children. My husband suffers from severe depression and has struggles for 12 of the 15 years of marraiage.  He has very serious ups and downs.  Right now we are in the throws of a down.  He never really feels happy even when he isn't down.  He struggles with working and I am not in a in a position to support our family.  My kids are getting old enough to know and see the effects and wonder themselves.  I don't really explain to them and don't know whether or not I should.  I find myself depressed and crying just for the fact that I feel like my life isn't they way I thought it would turn out.  When I married my husband he was one of the most fun, funny guys I knew.  He was always happy and making me laugh.  About 3 years into our marriage he kind of hit a hard spot and has never seemed to get out it since.  Sure there are times when he is better but he is never happy on a consitant basis.  It is exhausting trying to make up for what he lacks.   I think this is just going to be a way to vent and get things off my chest daily or as needed.  Getting angry at him doesn't do anyone good so maybe this is an outlet.  I would love to hear comments on how others hadle situations like these.  So much more to write but I just can't get a handle on it today.  I am sure there will be more to come.